When Tom Petty died I listened to nothing but him on my phone for the following two / three weeks. Every time I was in the car or doing something that needed a soundtrack, Mr Thomas Earl Petty was there with me, keeping me company & ‘Keepin me Alive’. I must have played the song ‘Wildflowers’ hundreds of times. It is such a beautiful song. On the 17th July I was the funeral celebrant for a friend who sadly, left us behind. He was an amazing human being and will be forever missed but never forgotten. BANKSY once said “You die twice. Once when you actually die and then again when someone says your name for the last time.” It was ‘Without a Shadow of a Doubt’ one of the HARDEST things I have ever done. EVER. I think that I handled myself alright, though. I swear to god half of West Auckland was there. Maybe that’s why I was O.K. Though I did ‘Breakdown’ a few times, I think it was for the betterment of the whole service. It was such a sad day filled with the right amount of inappropriate jokes (hey, they had me do the thing, there were bound to be a few thrown in there)! A voice inside my head kept saying – Don’t fuck this up, Lee. They’re ‘Counting on You’ to do a good job. I didn’t fuck it up. After the ceremony I made my way outside to say my final goodbye to my friend and placed a flower on his casket. After all that I needed a hug. I saw my beautiful, loving, supportive wife coming my way and thought “thank Christ” ‘Here Comes My Girl’. Man you get good hugs at funerals. They are the kinds of hugs that you should be getting all the time from people in your life that care about you; genuine, firm and real. If you’re ever having a shit day, go and find a funeral home and just join in for the hugs. My friend was a legend in the racing community and had won so many races at Western Springs that no one could actually tell me just how many he had actually won. They’d lost count! He’s up there now, he’s been set loose ‘Into the Great Wide Open’ to tear shit up on the ‘Kings Highway’. A very dear friend of mine works with crystals, so I asked her if there was a crystal that I could wear or keep in my pocket that would help me deal with and get through the service without losing my shit constantly. She went out and sourced me a crystal called LAPIS LAZULI. It helps with
It was exactly what I needed and helped immensely with my delivery and tone on the day. To any sceptics out there – Don’t worry. I was one too. ‘You Don’t Know How it Feels’ until you give it a jam. I believe that it helped me on the day and that’s all that matters. People put their faith and trust into all sorts of things these days so why not a gem/crystal/stone. Thanks Renee. I really appreciate it! After the funeral I joined the half of West Auckland that made it to the service at The Hangar for a few jars and a few laughs. This is the same bar where I run my dad groups on Sundays and was in walking distance from the funeral home. So, I called them beforehand to let them know that around 4/4:30pm they were going to have an influx of bogans who have found themselves all dying of thirst because the number of tears they had shed had left them dehydrated and ready to smack some motherfucking piss! The manager was incredibly grateful and even called in a few extra staff members to man the bar. While we were out there smashing jugs of Export 33 (low carb) beer, I noticed a handful of yellow balloons floating in the sky overhead. These were the balloons that my friend’s family had released at the private cremation ceremony back at the funeral home. I raised my voice and said “hey, look. There go ol’ mate’s balloons” I raised my glass and said, “Rest easy, brother”. Then I witnessed one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my 31 years on this earth. The entire outside area of the bar fell deadly silent and every single pair of eyes were fixated on 10 -15 yellow balloons drifting aimlessly towards the heavens. This was made even more poignant as people raised their glasses and held them there until the balloons faded into the distance. What an incredibly special moment. A pub roaringly busy with around 300 tattooed up motherfuckers rocking mullets and smoking roll-your-own Port Royal durries, was brought to a standstill. Not even a whisper. Complete silence. People came out from inside to see what the ‘silence was about’ and as they realised the enormity of what was going on, and that it wasn’t just a bunch of grunty battlers looking up at ‘Something in the Air’, their glasses made their way skyward too, and an entire bar stood in silence and watched a handful of yellow balloons float across the sky. Balloons! This is not something you see every day in a West Auckland pub. Ask anyone that was there that afternoon and they will tell you that the most humbling presence and feeling of love washed over every single person in that place at that moment and for a few silent minutes it was like he was back with us. As they soared higher and higher into the sky I felt a tear form in the corner of my eye, and as it rolled slowly down my cheek it was met by the corner of my lips and a smile. A smile that I wasn’t even aware was there. As I wiped the tear from my smiling face, this thought entered my mind – I bet he was sitting up there waiting for those balloons to reach him and I’d like to think that at least one of those balloons (maybe one of the ones that his beautiful children had let go) made it all the way up to his glorious ‘Room at the Top”. Tuesday night at The Hangar is quiz night and I couldn’t help but feel that there were going to be a bunch of people that were none too impressed that their pleasant evening was going to be soured by the presence of us riff raff. I decided I would enter a team into the quiz and have a stab. We came second to last (mainly because I was a one-man team and I gave up at round 5 to go back outside and hang out with my friends). A good friend of mine came up to me and told me that I needed to shut up and calm down because I was being too loud, and they were going to kick us all out. I don’t know about that………I’m always loud. Granted I did have a few jugs in me by this point. He reckons I was real close to getting the ol’ ‘Refugee’ treatment. The whole HEY YOU – GET OUT and ‘Don’t Come Around Here No More’ from the bar staff. Ah well. I remember thinking that if they were going to come and try and boot me out. ME. THE KING OF RANUI then they were crazy. They can try but I’ll stand my ground and “I Won’t Back Down’. After all, it was me that called them and gave them the heads up about all of us turning up and I’m pretty sure we would have whacked close to $8K over their bar that night. I guess that’s just me, though. I’m always ‘The Wild One, Forever’. 10pm crept up on me like a cold sore and I was faced with the decision of making one of two choices.
Find my mum up there, Zahn. She’ll look after you. She’ll be the beautiful Dutch lass Rolling up a Park Drive and holding a glass of Stones Ginger Wine for you. Xoxoxo
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I thought I’d take a break from talking about me in this blog and talk about you. How are you? And no. it’s not an empty nicety or something you say to someone in the hopes that they’ll say “yeah I’m all good” I am genuinely interested…
TELL ME HOW YOU’RE FUCKING DOING. TELL ME HOW YOU’RE FUCKING FEELING. I WANT TO KNOW. HONESTLY!! If you’re not O.k. That’s O.K. It’s 100% fine to NOT be O.K. Shit, I’ll start. I’m not O.K. I feel like a complete failure at the moment. A failure because I can’t find a full-time job in the industry I’m in. I applied for a job with another station and I didn’t even get an interview. Rejected before phase 1. I was told that ‘my skills and experience didn’t meet their specific criteria’. It was a job as a radio announcer. That is what I have been for the past 4 years. (go figure). I feel like a failure because my children don’t want me to put them to bed at night they only want their mum, a failure because I let myself get to the size and weight that I am, and I am now in a position where I am not very well because of it. So actually, I’m not O.K at the moment. I’m pretty fucking far from O.K. I lost a friend today. We weren’t the type of friends that hold hands in the park and spend every waking moment with each other. Hell, the last time I saw him was about 9 months ago or so, we were actually more friends of friends who happen to bump into each other every now and then, but I considered him a friend. Fuck he had a great sense of humour! We were at a wedding together for some good mutual friends a few years ago and shit his jokes were inappropriately marvelous! He had an incredibly beautiful wee family and now he’s gone. My thoughts and prayers are with his family at this time, too. I got a text from a friend asking me if I ‘had heard’. I knew what had happened straight away. I knew he hadn’t won Lotto. I knew he didn’t become an overnight celebrity or that he had just inherited 70 million. I KNEW from that simple question “Hey did you hear about so & so” that I was not ever going to see him again. Over the years I have had too many of those messages sent to me by friends. I got the message at the pools as I was in the family changing rooms getting the kids changed from after our swim. Right then and there I lost my shit and started bawling my eyes out and hugging my children. I DON’T WANT TO GET THOSE MESSAGES ANYMORE. THIS HAS TO STOP. Please. If you are feeling like there is no way out and you can’t seem to crawl out of the pit you’re in REACH OUT FOR HELP! Someone will throw you a ladder so that you can climb out. Reach out to someone. Anyone. Have a scroll through the contacts list on your phone. Any one of those names will be at your door within minutes if you genuinely need their support and time. There are also anonymous services like lifeline that you can call if you don’t want to ‘burden’ your friends with your heavy shit but let me tell you right now. You are not a burden to your friends. This is what friendship is. This is why we’re here on this earth – To interact, connect and form bonds with other human beings. Otherwise – what’s the point? The people you connect with and form bonds with are called ‘friends’ and they will love you and be there for you whenever you need them and if they won’t, then they’re C*@ts (and sadly, there are a few of these types around, too). Filter those pricks out of your life and surround yourself with positivity, love, kindness and hope. Suicide is something that STILL gets swept under the rug and that people don’t want to talk about. I for one am sick and tired of losing friends this way. If you are someone that is feeling fine at the moment, have a look around your circle of friends and take the time (and actually do this) to see how someone else is doing. A genuine “Hey bro, how are you doing? I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit down lately. Is there anything you want to talk about”? Will go down better than you think it will. We need to help each other out. There is so much negativity in the world at the moment and the human race could do with a fucking lift. Be that lift. Be that change. Reach out to someone less fortunate than you and offer a helping hand. Pay for someone’s coffee. Pull over and help that person change their tyre. Use the supermarket checkout operators name when you speak to them. I mean, Fuck. Hold the door open for someone. Doing small things like this, makes people feel valued, appreciated and loved. This world can be so ugly. Human beings can be so ugly to each other and lately I have noticed it more and more. It's disgusting. I've seen videos on Facebook where people are beating the shit out of each other and bystanders are filming it all and laughing. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH US!? HOW IS THIS O.K?!. We are (supposedly) the most advanced, clever and beautiful life forms on this planet and this is the kind of shit that we are doing to each other. That kinda shit makes me so sad and actually ashamed to be a part of the human race. We need to be ENCOURAGING not DISCOURAGING. We need to speak LOVE not HATE and for the love of Christ we need use our hands to uplift and comfort each other not to strike one another and beat each other down. So, I would like to offer my support to anyone that reads this blog. Most of you are friends anyway, so I would like to finish by saying: “Hey. How are you doing? Really? I have noticed you seem a little down lately. Do you want to talk about it? Is there anything I can do to help”? “I don’t want to get a text from a mutual friend of ours saying” “Hey, did you hear about so & so” …. I saw a guy at the gym today with a leg missing. He was massive, in a wheelchair and looked absolutely gutted. I contemplated going over to talk to him and asking him if his loss of limb was diabetes related. I thought – Fuck it, I’m gonna go over and give it a nudge and as I began my journey from the chest press to the hand-bike where he was waiting to jump on, he looked up at me. He smiled and nodded at me. It was in this moment that I realised that ‘of course it was diabetes related’. I always make excuses for myself and say that I can’t do some things due to having a clubbed foot and here’s ol’ mate smashing out some exercise from a wheelchair with one leg! I didn’t end up talking to him, I simply returned his smile and nodded back. It is amazing what can be said without words (thanks Ronan Keating). A few years ago I was in the passenger seat while Nikita (my wife) was driving and we were stopped at a set of traffic lights. On the footpath walking towards us was a dude with a massive ginger beard. He caught a glimpse of me and my beard and gave me ‘the nod’. I nodded back and then Nikita started cracking up. I looked over to her and asked
“Did you see that, oi”?! “Yes, I did! Oh my god that was awesome”!! It happens more often than not, and I think that it only happens in the bearded community. If you’re bearded up and you spot someone else with a beard do you flick them a cheeky little nod of appreciation? You bloody better. What I like to do when I’m out at social functions (parties/weddings/concerts etc) is scan the room for someone with a more impressive beard than me, go over to that person and congratulate them on having the ‘ALPHA BEARD’. If I can’t see anyone else with a bigger/better beard than mine, then I’ll assert my dominance and flaunt that glorious ginger beard that I’ve been sporting for the past 6 years, proudly! I can tell you right now the Alpha Beard of Alpha Beards belongs to my friend and colleague Mr. Duncan Heyde. You should see the beard on that dude! When I head into the Rock studios with him and Thane to do my weekly segment ‘Westie Lee’ I have to sit next to him and I’m not gonna lie, my beard feels sad. Sad that it will never be that glorious. If my beard was a person I’d slap him for not being better than he is. I’m really enjoying my time at the gym. I’m pushing myself harder and I am really enjoying it. I now ride for 15 minutes instead of 10 and I row for 1500 mtrs instead of 1000. I am not doing much by way of leg weights etc because I already have some hearty tekawarty legs going on so skipping leg day doesn’t really bother me that much. My body aches after these gym sessions but then I get to go and hoon the sauna for a little while. I try and stay in there for 20 minutes straight after my workout and get a decent sweat on but recently I have found myself only managing 10-15 mins. It’s really hot in there, man. I stay hydrated whilst in there and to tell you the truth – staying in there for 20 minutes is harder than my workout. Shit it’s difficult. It’s so damn hot (milk was a bad choice). Also, a lot of elderly Asian people in there and believe it or not – quite a few of them spit. Like camels. I told a lady off for it the other day. She looked at me with her ‘what the fuck are you on about’ eyes and continued to do it. Unbelievable. Today there was no hoiking going on but there was an awful lot of chatter (none of it in English). This is where some would put the whole “now I’m not racist, but” I’m not gonna do that. I’m not racist. I hate everyone equally. I don’t give a shit if people talk in their languages when there are other people are around. That’s fine. I do however take issue with the volume of their voices in such a confined and hot room. No one else is blabbing at the top of their voice. I think that there should be a ‘NO TALKING’ rule in saunas. Even if the conversations were in English they would have still been too loud for such a small hot room. After 14 minutes I headed out to go and swim a few laps in the cold pools. Great times. I finished up my laps with a nice easy back-float for a while. While looking at the ceiling I couldn’t help but think of that dude who was in the wheelchair with his leg off. I thought about how many people must look at him and know that the reason he lost his leg was because of diabetes and because he was simply too big. That could have easily been me had I not gone to the doctor and had myself checked out. I could have been the dude in the wheelchair with my leg amputated. I have spent time in a wheelchair before. For fun, not due to injury/illness. I went clubbing on a wheelchair a few years back. I got complete strangers to lift me off my chair, pull my pants down and place me on the toilet. It was hilarious. Maybe that’s a yarn for another blog. Until then. I have lost a further 1.6 kg’s making my total weight loss in the last 5 weeks 6.5 kilos. I’m feeling incredibly optimistic about my journey and have even had a few emails from people going through the same shit as me and who have told me that my blog has helped them through some hard times……So to Mike who writes “I used to drink a lot (not as much as you) and have stopped for the last 2 months. I feel a shit load better for not drinking but do miss the social side of it, especially having a beer with the boys after work. Recently went to the warriors here in Chch and I was with mates which were having a big session and I just drank water. I missed the laughs of getting pissed up with the boys and getting rowdy but at the end I woke up without a hangover and had a good day with my partner and daughter. “ I would like to say – GO YOU GOOD BUGGER! The ‘no drinking’ gets easier and how bloody awesome is NOT being hungover?!! All the best on whatever journeys you’re currently on. I’m really enjoying mine…… L |
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AuthorLee Weir - Radio Announcer, Marriage Celebrant and Guinness World Record Holder. Archives
January 2024
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