On the 9th December 2010 My mum died.
So, it’s now been ten years since my mum passed away. So, I’m using this as a time to reflect on everything that has happened since the 9th December 2010. After the recent passing of a friend I have been thinking about how profoundly vulnerable death can make us feel. IT’s so overwhelming at times, the tiniest thing can set me off and have me crying uncontrollably and while my love and my memories of my mum can’t blunt those memories or feelings, Maybe It is not about feeling better, maybe it’s about finding strength and support through love. Maybe it’s about experiencing fully, all our joy and sorrow, and by discovering that love can reveal itself even more deeply in times of loss. I remember that day 10 years ago like it was yesterday. I was at work and missed a phone call from an (09) 416 number. Mum and dad’s house. So, I called back and my mums friend Cheryl answered. I knew straight away that something was wrong because hearing her voice is never a good thing (You know I love you Cheryl). “Hang on Lee. I’ll put your brother on”. “Lee”? “Yeah”? “Come home bro. It’s happening”. “Fuck. O.K. I’ll bring beer” “Yep. Bring heaps”. I raced home and arrived to the news that my mum had had a fall in the night and was so upset and hysterical that she had to be sedated (the old man gave her some hearty prescription meds) and when I got there she was still out of it thanks to the sedation. I saw the woman who brought me into this world with her eyes wide open, mouth cracked all slack jawed breathing like an old car idling low and shaking as if the choke was still pulled out to full. It was going to happen, that much was for sure, but no one knew when exactly. After a few hours she passed peacefully surrounded by her family and loved ones. As far as deaths go, it was quite a nice one. My mum had cancer. Bowel cancer that spread everywhere and eventually and unfortunately like most cancer patients, it beat her. Fuck you, cancer. Her name was Antonia Maria Weir. Today on the 10th Anniversary of her death I have chosen 10 things that have happened in my life since her passing - Most of them are good but some of them are sad. Whatever they are, they all have one thing in common. My mum wasn’t around for any of them. She was however with me throughout all of them. 1). Oma Anita. She became an Oma (grandmother) to Lucy in 2012, Albie in 2015 and again in April 2021 when our latest weir wolf cub makes it earth side. All my children know exactly who their Oma is, and they embrace their Dutch heritage, fully. There are photos throughout our house of my mum and my daughter Lucy has a middle name named after her. Obviously I am incredibly biased but my mum would have been the best damn Oma in the world and if I think about it long enough it makes me quite upset that my kids never got to meet their Oma Anita. 2). The Rock FM. In 2014 I got a job at The Rock FM. This is somewhere I have always wanted to work. When I was at Radio School in 2007 the only thing I wanted to do was work at The Rock. My mum told me that if I worked hard, one day I would end up there. I did just that. Worked my way up from being a casual promotions assistant (driving The Rock Utes out and about to various spots around Auckland at 5am to give away free Mammoth brand chocolate milk and iced coffee) to now being a network (nationwide) radio announcer (A casual one at that). I do the regular weekend shows and get called upon a lot to fill in whenever someone is ill and they need someone to cover a show and I love it! They also gave me my first nickname ‘Westie Lee’ because I am from West Auckland. The name ‘Lee’ is already short, so I have never really had a nickname…. I have been at the rock for 6 years now. ROCK N ROLL! 3). Will You Marry Me? What started out as a joke between my wife and I, turned out to be the start of my career path. I joked that I would be a good celebrant while at a friend’s wedding after witnessing what can best be described as a very bland and ‘vanilla’ celebrant doing her thing. Fast forward a few months and I found myself filling in an application to become an independent marriage celebrant. After I was appointed by the department of internal affairs; births, deaths and marriages, shit went mental. I started booking out like there was no tomorrow. I should tell you though, that the first wedding I ever did ended in divorce, but she was always a cunt. Never mind. I am what you’d call a non-traditional celebrant, in fact one lady said to me at a wedding “You’re a very……..Unlikely looking celebrant, aren’t you”? She then followed that statement up with “So, do you get many weddings”? Wrong question, lassie! In 2019, I received an email from Internal Affairs asking me for my personal email and phone number as I was one of the top 3 celebrants that officiate the most weddings in the country! HOW BOWT DAT? I have
4). Degree. After leaving my job at World Vision after 6 years because I wasn’t happy in the current role that I was in (I felt I was destined for much more than a call centre (GREAT CALL LEE) – Ooh parentheses within parentheses). I went to study a Bachelor of Arts. It was while I was here (2014) that I got my job at The Rock and it was also during my studies that I became a Marriage Celebrant. The initial plan was to major in English and minor in Media Studies and then do a post grad teaching diploma and have a crack at high school teaching but as fate would have it I found my calling elsewhere. I still really did ‘find myself’ whilst studying. I reopened pathways and found that I had parts of my brain that had not been used in years. I had awoken parts of my brain that reinvigorated my flair for language, English, and writing. Fuck did I love writing essays! I was great at them. Nikita always got mad at me because I would procrastinate doing an assignment for weeks and then two days before it was due – I would get into it and produce a high graded assignment. You know that old saying ‘C’s get degrees”? Fuck that – B’s and A’s was where I lived motherfucker! Never settle for a C. You’re not a C. It turns out that when I applied for graduation – I did it wrong. I applied to graduate as a Bachelor of Arts Student majoring in English and Minoring in Media Studies when in actual fact, I had completed enough papers at the right levels in both subjects to have graduated with a double major in English and Media Studies……I give myself a C for ‘graduation applcation’………Shit! 5). Type 2. In April 2018 I was diagnosed with type two diabetes. Feel free to read the other blog posts in here if you want to know more about this. I’ve written enough about this….. 6). Guinness World Record. In 2014 I set the Guinness World Record for ‘The Most Tattoos of the Same Cartoon Character on the Body’ (Homer Simpson). Some prick in Russia has just beaten it, but I’ve already applied to take it back and am waiting for the results from the GWR team. My mum was ambivalent at best when it came to my tattoos, but she always laughed at my first Homer Simpson tattoo. Probably because I spent the money I was supposed to give to her for board on it. Actually, she didn’t laugh to begin with but as time went on, she ended up laughing at the ridiculousness of someone who’d get Homer Simpson tattooed on themselves. Well guess what, Anita – I’ve now got over 65 of the bastards and remember Adam’s friend from high school, Ben Jenkins? Yeah, well that sicko put them on me! 7). Storm the Gates. On the 17th March 2018 I got to MC a fucking music festival! I got to be up on the main stage for The Rock and introduce the following bands to the stage.
8). I Also Do Funerals. One of my regular gags at the end of a wedding reception that I have MC’d is as follows “For any of you young couples that are thinking of getting married, I’ve left some of my business cards at the bar. Oh, and for you oldies, don’t worry; I also do funerals”. It ALWAYS goes down a storm, lots of laughs. Then sadly, a friend of mine (more of a friend of friends, but I knew and respected the guy) sadly chose to leave us behind. It was awful, just awful. When his family were meeting with the funeral director, he said that he would do the service unless there was someone that they wanted to do it, instead. Apparently, they all looked at each other at the same time and just said “Lee”? I got a phone call from his brother-in-law and best friend and he said “Hey bro, I need a favour”. Without even hearing him out I said I’d do it. I knew exactly what he was wanting me to do. So, I went round to meet with the family and started preparing to do a funeral. I don’t like doing funerals but if there is a connection for me (like there was, here) then I’ll do them. I have done 7 funerals and all of them have left me absolutely rinsed afterwards. I did the funeral for one of my friend’s dad’s at the Swanson RSA and ended up getting a wedding off the back of it (it was weird). A few days after the funeral, one of his mates who had attended, called me. He got my number off a mutual family friend who told him I was a celebrant. He went on to tell me that he was in the same boat as his friend who’s funeral I had just done and that he too was terminal and didn’t have long to go and wanted to marry his partner of like 20/30 years. So, I went round and met with him and his lovely partner and started to plan their wedding. We got to know each other quite well and he ended up giving me an incredibly special set of vinyl records and a chopping board that he had hand made. It is magnificent, it truly is. During the wedding planning process, he asked me if I did funerals too. I told him that I only do funerals where there’s a connection for me like his friend’s funeral that I had done weeks earlier. He understood. After I had done their wedding I got an email from him saying “Hi Mate a special thank you for being there for ___ and I on our day. You’re a legend! Our guests have been full of compliments about the lovely, charismatic Lee and how on earth did we find you? Again, thank you! Don’t forget – Life without music would Bᵇ kind thanks and take care _____ PS I know you don’t like doing funerals however I would be honoured if you would do mine when the time comes? I said I would obviously, and was hoping to shake his hand one last time and say goodbye before he passed but I didn’t get my chance. I did his wedding on the 6th April, he passed away on the 13th April and I did his funeral on the 18th April. It was so surreal to have been there on both his wedding day and then at his funeral a little over a week later. So, now I do funerals. 9). Here’s to 10 more. On the 14th March 2019 Nikita and I celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary. Because we had quite a small wedding back in 2009 (we didn’t dance or have dinner, it was more of a cocktails and afternoon canapes kinda deal). So, we hired a camp site, some marquees, a band and some caterers and had a ‘wedding reception’ styled evening with our family and friends. It was truly a beautiful night. We ate, drank and danced the night away with the people closest to us and even though there was a terrible terrorist attack in Christchurch on the day of our shindig (15th March) the evening was full of love, togetherness and friendship. I am so thankful that my mum was able to be there on my wedding day back in 2009. She was very sick but she fronted up and made the day that extra bit special for Nikita and I. She was so helpful and even yelled at all the useless pricks that were supposed to be helping to clean up once the evening was over. I wasn’t there to see it but I’m told it was quite the rark up! If you’ve ever been told off by the old gal, you’ll know that she doesn’t piss around. 10). Every single day. Every single day I think about mu mum at least once. I’ll see or hear something that reminds me of her. My kids will do something that I used to do that would piss my mum off and I chuckle. Every day I think about how unfair it is that she died and there are such terrible terrible people in the world who are totally fine. I think about how it would be so easy to blame god for this and how if he wanted to he could have saved her from all of this shit. But, what good is that going to do? I know that it wasn’t god that took my beautiful mum. It’s just easy to blame the big guy, I suppose. I have had a lot of people in my life die over the past 10 years and there’s one thing that I have learnt more than anything and that is this – ‘LOVE WINS’. Love is what gets you through the hard times. Love for each other, love for the person that has passed away and love for everyone who is coping with the loss of someone in their lives. The only way that you’ll ever get through something like losing a loved one is with the company and love of others. Love will mend your broken hearts and help get you back on the road that you were on when that person was still in your life. Also, Time doesn’t heal anything. You just get better at dealing with it, and $100 to the person who can tell me how you get better at dealing with it? That’s right, with love. John Lennon really was onto something, wasn’t he? ~ All you need is love. I love you mum. Can I ask you one last favour? Visit my dreams a little more? Please.
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AuthorLee Weir - Radio Announcer, Marriage Celebrant and Guinness World Record Holder. Archives
January 2024
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